Own Me
by The Sky Today
Summary: Hate is sometimes the most passionate kind of love. lemony 1xR


Own Me  
  
The loud rhythmic tapping of the rain is all I hear as I sit alone in the dark. I watch the streaks of lightning cut through the starless night sky from the shadows of a cold room, illuminating the room with an eerie blue light every few seconds. The storm rages on.  
  
Thoughts of you invade my mind, thoughts that can't be pushed away. A lost love, that was never meant to be, a destiny of pain in those magnetic Prussian orbs; The eyes that had started my naïve obsession. His strength is what I had craved. I wanted to be the one; the one to show him the heart he thought he didn't have.  
  
Oh, have I tried to forget him. So many times, through so many men. None of them had equaled the power, the force of one boy; my weary soldier. The keeper of one's heart is never easily forgotten.  
  
Now I feel you. I feel you near me, and rush outside to know where you are, but you aren't there.. You're never there.  
  
I'm searching the night, numb to the freezing rain drenching me to the bone. I only want that feeling of you to grow stronger. You're so close, just let me see you.  
  
I went out a-wandering  
  
Beneath an unknown sky  
  
The heavens all shook violently He caught my eye.  
  
Now you're there in front of me, a dark silhouette of a man, the rain beating from your long black raincoat falling in droplets down your face from that unruly hair.. You stare at the ground, never at me. How I long to see those eyes. How I fear seeing those eyes again.  
  
Without a word, you grab me, pulling me into you. I let you kiss me. But a look in your eye tells me you want more. My heart beats wildly. How long had I waiting for this?  
  
Strange fruit fell It struck me to the core My heart became a single flame It wanted nothing more.  
  
I don't care anymore, so I bring you inside, both of us soaked to the skin peeling the sopping clothes from our bodies desperately. All I ever wanted was to be yours Heero.  
  
"Relena."  
  
You say my name, your voice like a foreign language, one I had almost forgotten and yet never really known. Your beautiful eyes burn with something I can't seem to name as you grab me with those strong arms, stealing kisses greedily from my mouth down to my breasts. Never once do you look into my eyes. Rough hands grope my body in the dark, searching for something. What are you looking for Heero?  
  
You push me onto the sofa as we move into the sitting room where I had been only minutes before we met. Naked wet and cold is how your skin feels on mine, as we move as one.  
  
Stranger, enter from the east  
  
Stranger, step inside this place Oh, and own me, own me.  
  
You stop for a moment and I open my mouth to speak, but a moan is all that escapes my lips. I want to tell you that its ok, but I can't. This stranger robbing my body is the only thing I had wanted for all those long years. Who are you, Heero?  
  
A tear rolls down my cheek and I can't help but gasp in sorrow for the man I thought feared nothing, and felt no emotion, lowers his head in shame. It was if a great mountain had crumbled to the sea. Be strong for me.  
  
Still he thrusts inside me as I struggle to catch my breath. I Dig my nails deeper into those hard shoulders, throwing my head back with every push, each time harder and harder. Ecstasy hindered by pain is all I feel surging through my body, burning at the source of my desire. You groan and fall beside me. I tremble as I weep, for our pain, and for a lost night. I feel warm tears trickle down my breast where you rest your head.  
  
"It's ok Heero. I love you."  
  
I don't know why, but you leave me and I hear the painful slam of the door behind you. I know I'll see you again, Heero.  
  
I scream into the darkness, condemning the stars, cursing the moon, and damning love forever. He needs my love, I know, as much as I need him. But will you ever need me, Heero?  
  
~~~~~~  
  
It's only been hours since we've been together, and it is night once more where I wait for you again, alone in my room. I listen to the torturing tick of the clock cut through the silence. I lay there naked, like a pet waiting for its owner to return. Heero, why do you do this to me?  
  
The clock became a bullet hole Cruel and unkind  
  
It hurt me with its second hand  
  
Alone another night  
  
Now I hear your footsteps climbing the stairs, like a machine repeating its only ability. I cringe as you enter like you have a thousand times, and methodically strip down. I want to tell you to leave, but I can never bring myself to tell him, to let him know how much pain he brings me.  
  
Stranger, enter from the east  
  
Stranger, step inside this place  
  
With those cold empty eyes, he stares past me on the bed before taking me as his own. I still need you.  
  
Blue, is that you? Well, don't bother knocking on my door this time Blue, go be true for someone else There's no room inside this heart of mine My heart has four empty rooms Three wait for lightning and one waits for you  
  
"It's ok Heero. I love you."  
  
I say as I do every night. You don't respond, but I watch you slowly dying inside, me your only source for life, and so I will ask you the question that has torn me for so long, I will ask you tonight.  
  
"Heero, do you love me?"  
  
As I knew you would, you get up to leave, dressing and heading for the door.  
  
I can't let you leave me again.  
  
I must have you all to myself Feel the full weight of your skin I'll hollow out my insides To place you in  
  
"Don't you dare leave me again!" I shout. He ignores me and turns for the door, but I leap in front of you, my skin my only shield against the darkness of night. You look down again, as always. Anger seeps into my veins, and my face burns with rage as I hit you as hard as I can, slapping you in the face.  
  
"Look at me damnit!"  
  
Finally, you look at me.  
  
"Heero, I'm sorry, I'm so- sorry.I want you to be happy but I can't, I can't make you happy."  
  
I melt into your arms, resting my head on your chest to sob. You won't touch me, and I just cry harder.  
  
"Don't ever apologize to me Relena. I-I never wanted to hurt you.Please, just hate me."  
  
I hold you tighter.  
  
I feel you place a gentle kiss on my forehead, and you move to pull something from your coat pocket.  
  
-CHK-  
  
The all too familiar sound of a cocking gun rings in my ears. I step back to stare at the small metal object that glistens in the dark.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
I mutter your name as you raise the gun to my right breast, and goose bumps rise on my cold flesh. You look so scared as I wrap my hands gently around the gun, pressing it harder into my skin, closing my eyes. "Do you love me?"  
  
I whisper softly as I squeeze your finger against the trigger, watching your face twist into agony as the loud bang pierces my ears, and I fall. I feel you catch me in your arms, warm blood soaking my skin, my chest throbbing. In my heart I know I've done the right thing, I never wanted to cause you pain. But now I feel my life slipping away, the life I spent waiting for you. Your screaming cries fade into the backround. I'll always be yours now. .  
  
Stranger, enter from the East  
  
Stranger, step inside this place Oh, and own me, own me  
  
"Yes Relena, I do love you." 


End file.
